American Idol: 1/14/09

Kansas City

Home of David Cook, will it give anything good this year? Well, Jason Castro was there with his brother, who is auditioning this year. Interesting.

Chelsea Marquardt (19) She certainly has a high opinion of herself. Unfortunately, she's a complete vocal trainwreck. Why do people keep singing when the judges start laughing. I don't understand. It sounded like someone was strangling a cat (and of course, Simon topped my by saying that it sounded like a cat jumping off the Empire States Building). Kara and Paula thought the guys were being too harsh. Kara said the positive is that she is a pretty girl, but she is not a good singer.

Ashley Anderson (20, NJ) She chose to sing a song co-written by Simon, and she flubbed the lyrics in the first verse. She has a pretty voice, with some good control. It's not my favorite kind of voice (or I should say, style of singing), but I think she is good. Simon said it was a great song choice. She gets four yes votes and she's through.

Casey Carlson (20, Minneapolis) She's a bubble tea maker. That's interesting. She looks a little like Lacey Schwimmer from SYTYCD and Dancing with the Stars. She's got good presence and a nice voice. She has a bit of a she-mullet, so I hope she (like David Cook) gets better hair if she makes it farther into the competition. She's kind of cute.

Brian Kettler (20, Kansas City) Opera boy has a bit too much unfortunate chest showing. Some men should not wear low cut V-necks. I think he was singing Aretha, but his spastic singing was not good for this kind of music. Maybe he's good at opera, but I don't know about that. Yipes. Simon said everything was wrong in this audition. I would agree. He attempted to redeem himself by screeching out some Josh Groban. It did not work. I think he made a wise decision in walking away from music. He exited to Mozart's Requiem, and that was just genius, editors, genius.

Then, there was a montage of various people's disappointments, with crying and screaming galore.

Ryan caught up with David Cook's parents, who said that other good people are around.

James Michael Avance (20) Not one of those good people.

Billy Vinson (27) Dude, don't sing Reflection as a man. Just no.

Chris Jones (21) Painful.

Deandre something - also painful. Nothing else matters about him except he was awful.

Von Smith (20, didn't catch his hometown) - He started off with a break in his voice, but improved greatly after clearing his throat. I kind of dig him. He's different and he's got something that I could like. Randy liked him. Simon liked him as well. Paula loved him, and so did Kara, saying he had a big instrument and he can take risks other people might not be able to.

Michael Castro (20, Rockwell, TX) He's Jason Castro's younger brother, and he also sucks at interviews. The Muppet's little brother is an emo punk boy with pink hair. While I can dig girls with pink hair, guys with pink hair turn me off. He just started singing 20 days before the audition. Ballsy. He has a good voice, though it gets froggy at times. The pink faux hawk emo mullet is annoying. It's better than the dreads, but still. Simon called it good-ish, and he couldn't tell if he had the commitment to the performance, which was a problem with Jason as well. Kara thought he was cool. He got put through to Hollywood.

Vaughn English (19, KS) Replete with orange and yellow suit, he sang about bananas. That was foolish. He's gone.

Matt Breitzke (27, Oklahoma) He's got a really cute kid. He's got a really nice voice, and is the first singer this season to give me the chills. He's got great control, and he's likeable. Randy called him a bar singer, but not right for this. Kara disagreed and said that he has natural talent and likes him. Paula admired his tone and control. Simon is the deciding vote, and sent him on through. Yay! I actually rewound to listen to him again. Yes, I like him that much.

Jasmine Joseph (aka Jazz) (17, Norfolk, Nebraska) This pink and purple haired girl sucks. No way around it. The speechless judges just shake their heads and she is out.

Jessica Paige Furney (19, Wamego, KS) She lives in Oz Central, and with her 93 year old grandma. She sang Crybaby by Janis Joplin, and she's got a really great instrument. She's got a soulful voice and I love it. She also seems like a sweetheart. I hope her grandma is ok on her own. It's Jessica's birthday, and she got a golden ticket for her birthday.

India and Asia McClain (22 and 24, respectively) I don't want to be crass, but it seems like one of these sisters got all the cookies and the other got none. They claim to be choreographer and bodyguard material, and rap a song about cookies. They were decent rappers, but... They sang individually after their rap, and India was indeed much better than Asia. India was decent, and she was sent through. Asia, not so much.

Jamar Rogers (26, Milwaukee) He belted his song out decently, but I'd like to hear more control and variety and emoting in his voice. The judges thought he was a bit too loud and over the top, but they put him through.

Danny Gokey (28, Milwaukee) He's Jamar's best friend. His wife passed away 4 weeks before the audition from a heart condition. The poor guy. He stuck it out and auditioned, and I'm glad. I really love his voice. He's a music teacher. Paula loved him, and Kara declared herself a fan. Simon and Randy loved him, too, and he's through.

After that lovely audition, they had to even it out by showing some hideous ones in a horrible montage.

Anoop Desai (21, didn't catch where he was from) I enjoyed his voice, and he seems like a smart cookie and is well spoken. His voice has a little Elliot Yamin vibe to it, which is not necessarily my favorite, but it's a niche. Simon called his look geeky, but he's through anyhow. Good.

Then, another shot of wretched. Oh, why. After a break, some more strange gimmicks were showcased. No thankyou.

Andrew Lang (19, Columbia, MO) He was introduced his very own very bad cheerleaders (though I was impressed by the split, and the thin cheerleader kind of looks like Maggie Gyllenhal) His voice was not bad. His look was not good at all, but I've seen worse. He was passed on, and even his cheerleaders broke into tears. They encouraged him to go into musical theatre.

Asa Barnes (28, Kansas City) His daughter is absolutely adorable, that's for sure. He probably could have chosen a better song for his voice (he sang The Way You Make Me Feel), because he had troubles with the high notes, and it was kind of sharp all the way through. He did well enough to get him the ticket to Hollywood, and I'm looking forward to seeing what he can do with a better song.

Michael Nicewonder (20, Grande Island, Nebraska) He's got a medal from music class in elementary school, and he's got a fortune cookie note on the back. He looks like he belongs in the next Dumb and Dumber movie. He sang a hideous original song, and then another hideous original song. Goodbye. There were tears.

Dennis Brigham (19, Florida I think) He did a backflip and had a dream about Simon, which is kind of creepy. His voice was good enough, I guess, but his eyes are creepy beyond belief. After Simon told him it was crazy, he decided it would be prudent to sing another song. Just. Stop. Paula gave him a yes. Simon gave him a no. I didn't get to see what happened to him, because my dvr stopped!

Help me out, readers, did I miss anything good? Was that the end? I curse Fox for not keeping normal timing.