American Idol: 1.29.09

Two cities tonight - the final night of first auditions.

NYC and Puerto Rico

Adiola Adegoke (19, Bronx) She quit her job because she is so sure of herself. That was not a good plan. Hasn't she ever heard the phrase Don't quit your day job? I'm pretty sure it was created for people like her. I knew she was doomed when she compared herself to Mariah Carey. That's the end, right there. Crawl back to your job and beg for it back, because you are not going to be a star in the music business. Simon called her shockingly bad. She begged for another chance. Simon said he would call her boss to try to get her job back for her, but she just burst into song again at that offer. Bad idea. Bye. and bye. They actually got her boss on the phone, and Simon talked to the boss to get her job back. That was solidly nice of him.

Jorge Nunez (20, Puerto Rico) He's got a fantastic voice, though it's rather theatrical. He sang a Spanish version of My Way, with a lot of power. The judges asked him to sing something in English, and he sang What a Wonderful World, in an arrangement I've never heard (was it his own?). It was very nice. Jorge is in.

Jessika Baier (20, Michigan) She won a contest in Michigan to go to Puerto Rico with 9 of her friends and family. She's a professional singing contest entrant basically. She had a really good voice in there, but I wish she hadn't sung Celine Dion. It was just too much. Simon hated her. She begged for another chance, because she is so nervous. Paula said it was really shrill. It was just a bad audition.

Enter montage of bad singers, set to You're No Good.

Melinda Camille (22, Stratford, CT) She thinks that she is happiest dancing naked in her room. That's a bit... much ... to admit at an audition. She thinks there is a shift going on in the universe, and she wants to be part of it, and bring people happiness. She said that she wouldn't mind joining a nudist colony. The girl is a bit of a weirdo (understatement of the episode), but she has a really great voice. Simon called her a happy little thing. Randy called her pleasant. Kara compare her to a vitamin boost. With four yes votes, she's through. Bet there was lots of naked dancing in her room that night.

Jackie Tom (27, Silver Lake, CA) I have to like a girl who sings Jason Mraz. She's a lot raspy, but that's her sound. Simon asked for a different song, with more singing. It was a wise request, because she's much better. I love Jason Mraz, but ... he's just so original, it's not wise to try to copy him. Simon told her the worst thing she could do is ask who she should be (and then the window blew in onto him. That was weird. Production crew ran in and fixed it). She's through.

Cue strange montage of Puerto Rican awfulness, to the strains of Wicked Game, and featuring many people begging for more chances, and then some very energetic rejectees from both cities, and a faux rocker comic dude with a boombox and terrible wig. So not good.

Joel Contraros (27? Puerto Rico) He's known as the Crazy Rocker. He's like Pauly Shore a bit to me. He arrives to the audition inside a giant cardboard iPod. He's predictably awful. Simon said it was everything he hates. Because Simon hated it, Joel grabbed more props and broke into even more song. Just no. Kara said it was weird. Joel and his iPod departed, loudly, and did backflips into the pool.

Nick Mitchell, aka Norman Gentle (27, CT) Simon said he hates comedy, and Norman ripped off his stupid headband and attempted to sing (but failed). Simon told him it was dreadful, and Norman said it hurt him where people get kicked sometimes. Simon said Norman might like that, and Norman shot back "Like you do, when Seacrest does it?" Simon thought that was funny. He then sang Amazing Grace, and was froggy and nasal, but carried the tune, though threw some faces. Kara said she was entertained, and Paula loved him, and even though Simon voted no, Randy let him through to Hollywood. Insane.

Ashley Hollister (21, Hasbrouck Heights, NJ) Just a snippet of her, but she was lovely.

Kenny Hoffpauer (16, Havertown, PA) See, he does justice to Jason Mraz, and it sounded musical and lovely.

Kendall Beard (23, Austin, TX) A nice country voice and a pretty voice.

Then a montage of people we didn't get to hear going through to Hollywood, and a short montage of awful.

Monique Garcia Torres (16, Puerto Rico) She's got the cutest little brother ever. He brought a beautiful shell in for the judges to share, but it broke, sadly. Monique herself is just lovely. She's got a wonderful voice. She sang a Celine song for her second song, and she actually managed to pull it off and not sound overdone. Simon wanted something more contemporary from her. Randy and Kara give her a no, Paula gave her a yes, and Simon voted for her to go through, even though she needs to modernize a lot. Tie breaker = Simon's choice. She can thank her little brother's charm for her chance in Hollywood.

Alexis Cohen (24, Philadelphia) The strange, freakish shimmery beotch from last year's rejection pile, is back, with a new attitude, and some chanting in Chinese? She introduced herself to people in the holding room like she was a celebrity. She isn't going to be a celebrity for anything other than being a double reject from American Idol. She just can't sing. At all. She needs to stop. Simon called it fairly horrendous, and Kara agreed that she has gotten worse. Reverting to true form, Alexis pulled the finger on them for old time's sake, and thanked him, calling obscenities over her shoulder. Ah, the crazies. Why won't they go away?

Patricia Lewis Roman (20, Puerto Rico) Patricia's parents got married at the place where auditions are. Cool. She's got a very nice voice, though she did some breathing in weird places. She's cute and appealing, too. Simon didn't think she was good enough (and hated the song choice - I Want to Dance With Somebody). They gave her a chance to sing something else, and she sang something lovely in Spanish. Randy gave her a yes. Paula gave her a no. Either Kara or Simon or both gave her a yes, because she was through to much joyous celebration by her instrument toting family and friends.

9 people went through from Puerto Rico, and 26 went through from NYC.

Next week? Hollywood begins. Will we see more singing, or just more drama? That remains to be seen.