Thursday, May 14, 2009

Survivor Tocantins: 5.14.09

Coach, Coach, Coach. He's in shock that Debbie is gone. And then, JT told him that Debbie was the one responsible for the vote against him. Stephen said that they didn't think that he would believe them if they told him ahead of time. Coach took their move to be a move to save him, in an act of truth and honesty. He seemed to understand that he no longer in control of the game (like he ever was...) He said he was almost speechless. Almost.

Next morning, he was chatting with JT and Stephen and "verified" the plan to get rid of Erinn and Taj next. He wondered what to do about the next Exile. And now, Coach apparently has asthma, and doesn't want to go to Exile because he's afraid of his asthma kicking up. Stephen admitted in confessional that he thinks that Coach's ailments are a cop out to get out of going to Exile, because he isn't sure that Coach can make a fire and cook by himself. JT made the very astute observation that Coach is pretty skittish about going to Exile, for such an adventurous guy. He also said that he wouldn't mind Coach being really weak at the next Immunity Challenge, so that they can go ahead with their plan of sending him home next.

Reward Challenge

It's a giant maze that spells out "Survivor." Very cool. They have to race through it, and build a pole long enough to reach a sandbag, and swing the sandbag to knock down three panels and raise a flag. Oh - and their feet will be shackled.

Winner gets an overnight trip to the Governor's Retreat, with all the luxuries.

It was amusing to see them hopping with shackled feet through the maze. JT headed out fast and most people followed him at first. Coach stayed behind JT, and Erinn took the same route. It was a smart tactic, because JT is super good at mazes, apparently.

JT was through first with no troubles, and Coach did what he does best, riding coat tails, and got through second. Taj made it through third, followed by Erinn and Stephen. JT finished his pole first, and knocked down his first target, then his second, and then his third with no troubles, all before Coach could get his limp stick to the sandbag.

That sounded dirty.

JT sent Coach to Exile, telling him to be noble, because he is the only one who hasn't been there. Coach says he is going to take the monastic approach and not have a fire and not eat. (Wonder if what Stephen said is true...) Erinn said that Coach just wants to be a martyr and have the worst possible Exile experience so that he can complain and have excuses not to win Immunity. Coach waxed poetic about all of his ailments, and said that his body was giving out on him anyway, so Exile wouldn't be the reason for it.

JT chose Stephen to go on the reward. He also said that it seemed that Coach was going to go without a fight, until Erinn spoke up, and said that people just talk to much in the game.

Back at camp, Erinn was worried that she had talked too much. Taj said that she doesn't need to worry about it too much, because Coach is just a jerk, and if he had won the reward, his ailments would have not been a problem, and the "warrior" would have been back.

The editors had a ball making Coach's journey to Exile look like a walkabout. He said it was like a vacation - with no wishy washy people with no character. He said that he is going to commune with the creator of the universe, like his American Indian ancestors. They would do it to become a man. "But I'm already a man, so it will make me... a better man." And then he whacked off a piece of stick and called it his Dragon Slayer Cane.

Give me a break.

He thinks that Erinn can't handle him because he's the soothsayer, or perhaps "because I'm so eloquent, she can't handle it." Um, no. Perhaps it's because you are a jackass.

He spoke about himself in third person a lot, and it was ridiculous.

Cut to JT and Stephen off to their reward. They are on a private plane and they were having a blast. At the Governor's Retreat, they had all the ammenities, including a mirror, which shocked them. They showered up (one at a time) and JT got positively giddy about soap.

They went to eat in their robes, and it was a traditional Brazilian churrascaria. We have a restaurant in Burlington which is similar. Fantastic... Then they decide that Erinn might just talk too much to bring into the final 3, so they might bring Coach.

What?

Nooooo!!!!!

Back at Exile, Coach said his Exile Experience was no sleep, starving, very little water, and it was awesome. A vulture was circling overhead. He says he is going to be slow to get to the challenge, but he is not tired or hungry, he feels focused. He is such a pretentious ass. I cannot handle him.

Immunity Challenge

Coach arrived looking old and haggard. Taj called it right and said he is just a drama queen, and said that any 37 year old man that thinks he's a dragon slayer belongs in a mental institution. Coach got some water before the challenge started.

The challenge is to hold themselves between two boards with feet on small footholds, moving to smaller ones every 15 minutes. It's like holding themselves up in doorways, with footholds. No butt, back, or hips. Arms and feet only.

After switching to the last foothold, Erinn was out. Stephen followed her. Taj was there with them.

JT and Coach were the final two. Jeff called them The Listener and the Talker - the Young Buck and the "Warrior." He didn't put the air quotes up there, but he must have been thinking it. JT asked if there was any food, and Jeff asked if he would step down for a big ol' steak. JT said he just might, and Coach blabbed some more about being a strong warrior, and said he has something to prove coming back from Exile. Taj told him not to hurt his back any more, and he put on a show of pain. It could have been real, and the editors certainly liked to set it to final scene music, and then Coach "collapsed" and claimed that his back was spasming. JT won the immunity, but Coach made sure he got all the attention. He claimed that he didn't want medical to look at his back, because if they did, he wouldn't be in the game right now, and he wasn't going home for medical reasons. I wonder if he just didn't want them to look and see that it isn't as dramatic as he claims. If he was really that bad, I bet Jeff would have insisted on medical.

Erinn and Taj shared my skepticism on Coach's maladies.

Coach said he was honored by the defeat, and JT told him that Erinn was going. Coach claimed that most of his talk is bravado to reassure himself. Stephen said that JT is going to vote for Erinn, but he isn't sure what he is going to do. Coach says he hopes there won't be any surprises at tribal, and JT and Stephen assured him that there wouldn't be.

I hope that there is a surprise in store for Coach.

He said he wants to be the last Timbira standing, "the last of the Mohican." Oh, stow it.

Tribal Council

Erinn and Coach's feud was brought up again, and Erinn said that someone was apt to be surprised. Coach says it won't be a surprise because women have great intuition.

Before the vote - what's this? Coach has a ...

A...

POEM for everyone.

Oh, this ought to be rich.

"With Friend and foe, we march through the battle plane.
Some to seek success, others to seek fame
We play with honor, for love of this game
and with armor or without, we will toil in vain
so that someday, someone, somewhere, will remember our name."

He thinks he was cool, but everyone else looked like they were trying not to laugh. I let it out. Good heavens, he has a high opinion of himself.

It's the last time the Hidden Idol can be played, so I really wish that Taj had given the idol to Erinn.

In the words of Erinn, Dragon Slayed. Coach is GONE. We now only have to deal with hearing him on the jury. Good riddance.

Are you as happy as I am that Coach and his ego have left the building? Coach said there was some sadness as he left, and called Stephen not the white wizard, but the evil wizard. Death before dishonor, he cried. And ... goodbye, Coach.

Don't forget, the finale is on SUNDAY!!!

2 comments:

Lars said...

"Coach Wade has approved this message... BUH-BYE!!"

Ed said...

Finally!

I have to say that this season has had some of the best on-the-fly lies, starting with Sierra's BBQ pit. I mean, the "Debbie was going to take you out and we didn't think you'd believe us" was priceless.